I Never Thought I Would...

• Narrate "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" in Toposa
• Say the phrase "did you hear that bomb detonate this morning?" at dinner
• Hear multiple gunshots in the middle of the night, but only be annoyed because they woke me up, and not scared because I heard gunshots
• Learn about weird witchcraft stuff because my cultural father is a wizard
• Count the cows that have been brought to a village for a wedding
• Drive through a river with water flowing so high that it goes over the hood of the truck
• Have a baby named after me
• Eat goat intestines
• Teach the story of Isaiah to a group of completely naked old men
• Go white-water rafting on the Nile River
• Briefly have an ostrich as a pet
• Plan my laundry schedule based on how much sunshine there's been that day
• Complain about having to get new pages in my passport because all my pages got filled up so quickly
• Kill spiders with bare hands because I'm too lazy to get up and get a shoe
• Watch the Jesus film while sitting next to a guy with an AK-47 on his lap
• Learn different words to describe different types of poop (animal of origin, length of freshness, etc)
• Be asked to transport a dead body in my truck
• Have a rat drop from the ceiling beam onto my lap
• Consider hot water a luxury
• Actually forget the English word for something
• Be scared that someone might actually deliver their baby in my car
• Have the sub-chief ask me to drive a cow-thief to the police station in a nearby town
• Get malaria multiple times
• Have a 12 year old boy ask for my red nail polish
• Say "it's not that hot, it's only 105 degrees."
• Cross the border between two countries without seeing any kind of security official or having my passport stamped
• Directly address a group of cows and ask them to move out of the road
• Have a friend die of TB
• Be spit on as part of a blessing from an elderly person
• Be constantly corrected on the technique and volume of my clapping